and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
