when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
