if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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