just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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