Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
