Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
