the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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