I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
