dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
