You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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