i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
