Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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