just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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