He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
