C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cockslap morals
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
