i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
