We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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