k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
