now i know why i became what i already was.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's rum buckets o'clock
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
