Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
