She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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