I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
