the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
