Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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