this beer tastes like vomit already
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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