dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
