Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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