Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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