i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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