Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
