i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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