I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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