Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
