He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
