I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
