I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
