You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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