I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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