life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
