i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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