i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
