How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
