then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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