It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
