ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
