well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
