I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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