just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
