I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
