just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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