her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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