Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
